I'll Have What She's Having
By Karen Jeynes
Mpumi is a lawyer from Joburg, in her late twenties. She arrives early at a restaurant. She is meeting her boyfriend, who she hopes will propose. She is annoyed to find that two tourists, Louis and his wife Jeanette, are sitting at "her" usual table. While she is waiting for her boyfriend, Jeanette is loudly talking on a cell phone to friends back home. Finally, when she starts barking at a friend's dog over the phone, Mpumi loses her temper.
I don't know which rock or bush you people crawled out from, but here in the civilized world, we do not have conversations with animals on our cellphones. We do not raise our voices when talking on our cellphones. I don't know if you're familiar with the device, but you don't actually have to shout all the way to Pofadder, the technology transmits your voice signal through the air like magic! And when we are in civilized restaurants we do not cause chaos and disrupt other restaurant goers attempting to have an adult meal, and not deal with two small children who are treating the whole occasion like a day out at the funfair. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go back to that skanky table in the back, and I'd be really grateful if you two could manage not to disturb me for the rest of my meal.